


Herbal

by iArgent



Series: Bitter, Sweet, Salty, Herbal [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus's giant dick, Demisexual Caduceus, Fingering, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Knotting, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oh, Polyamory Negotiations, Tears During Sex, actual feelings, boy - Freeform, mistakes are mine, no beta we die like men, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-04 21:35:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18821191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iArgent/pseuds/iArgent
Summary: Caduceus works out what he wants after a fashion. Caleb gets what he wants, after a fashion, and then gets a surprise at the end.And hey, a relationship?





	Herbal

**Author's Note:**

> I was surprised too. It was surprising.
> 
> Anyway, here's filth.

Caleb woke for the second time during the morning. And considered just, sinking into the bed, fading from existence, being reborn a gnome and jumping off the Ashkeeper peaks. He absolutely couldn’t go downstairs and eat with his family and be in the same space as Caduceus who definitely didn’t deserve this.

 

So he rolled over, drew the scratchy blanket over his head, and pretended he was trying to sleep a bit longer, missing Essik’s dominating presence and the way it made his brain feel like it was functioning properly.

 

Downstairs things were going only slightly better.

 

“Caduuuuuceus.” Jester sang, nearly laying on the table. “You seem grumpy. Which is weird, because you’re never grumpy.”

 

Caduceus looked up, ears hanging low. “Oh, I’m sorry Ms. Jester. I’m not grumpy. Just a bit sleepy.”

 

“Oh no! Did you have a nightmare? Did Fjord keep you up? I’ll punch him!” 

 

“No, Mr. Fjord didn’t keep me up.”

 

Jester’s tail lashed behind her as her nose scrunched up. “Can I help?”

 

Caduceus felt his own tail twitch, almost trying to mimic the tiefling before he remembered they were different weights and his wasn’t meant to be lifted that high without pulling something. Could Jester help? Well, if anybody knew how emotions went, it was Jester. “Well. I think I don’t much like Essik Theylas?”

 

Jester looked startled for a second, blue eyes widening. “Oh no, what’s wrong? Was he mean? I mean, Caleb seemed to like the hrrm hrrm, but if you think there’s a problem I will help.”

 

Feeling his nostrils flair and ears twitch startled Caduceus, and he tried to find his center again. “Mr. Caleb says he was always very kind during…that. I just think maybe he’s a bit shifty. Not like us shifty.”

 

The blue tiefling was silent for a moment, and Caduceus looked over to see what she was doing. Only to encounter her far closer than before. “Caduuuuuceus!” She squeaked “Are you jealous?” her hands flew to her mouth gasping “By. The. Traveller. Is it Cayyyyyleb or the Shadowhand?”

 

As Caduceus opened his mouth to reply Jester cut him off “Of course! You’re jealous of Essik because you want Cayyyleb.” She singsonged, then looked confused. “You don’t like to fuck though?”

 

Suddenly finding he needed to clear his throat Caduceus took a moment to cough, feeling heat on his face as he blushed. “It’s not that I don’t like it.” He started “I’ve just never wanted to. And then didn’t, because that would be silly.”

 

Jester nodded seriously “Like in Tusk Love when Guinevere didn’t know how she felt and then after she-”

 

“Jester, Mr. Clay, is everything alright?”

 

Yasha, for such a large woman, was very quiet, and had strolled up midway through their conversation. “Why are you telling him about Tusk Love?”

 

Jester, poorly, schooled her face into nonchalance “Oh, just…book club.”

 

“Yasha?” Caduceus asked slowly. “I don’t want to bring up anything…unhappy. But how did you know you liked Zuella?”

 

Yasha blinked. “Is this about why you keep staring at Caleb?”

 

Jester wheezed “How did you see?”

 

The firbolg nodded slowly. “I think so, yeah.”

 

“You should talk to Caleb about it then. Nobody else is going to help as much. Definitely not Tusk Love.”

 

“Awww, why not?”

 

“Why don’t we talk Jester.” Yasha soothed “Caduceus, Caleb hasn’t come down yet, so he’s in his room.”

 

Caduceus walked away to Yasha’s gentle voice starting something of an explanation to Jester. It was only after he’d walked by Beau and knocked on Caleb’s door that he realized he was entirely unsure of what to say. Caleb answered the door, and turned red when he saw Caduceus, seeming awkward and he felt his ears droop. He must have made it awkward last night.

 

Caleb’s expression seemed to shift slightly, and he stood aside to let Caduceus in.

 

The firbolg slouched into the room, feeling quite down. Thankfully, Caleb’s room smelled heavenly. He paused to sniff at the air. Yes, this was nice. He’d caught a whiff of a similar smell in Xhorhas but hadn’t wanted to trouble the wizard to ask what it was.

 

“Um, is something the matter Mr. Clay?” Caleb asked, voice faint as he shut the door again.

 

“What did you scent the air with? It smells very good.”

 

Caleb flushed more if possible. “Um, what did you need, Mr. Clay?”

 

“How do you know if you like someone?”

 

The wizard blinked. “You want to be their friend, it’s not hard to speak with them. There’s more but I feel like you know this.”

 

Caduceus hummed “Good, good. But what about romantically? Sexually?” He felt weird. The longer he was around this smell the more he itched to touch himself, oddly. He did so, though infrequently, as a matter of fact thing that happened.

 

“Caduceus, it’s perfectly  fine to not want-”

 

The firbolg tuned him out, breathing deeply again. “I’ve never wanted to before.” He hummed, almost nonchalant. “I think I needed to get attached, then work it out.”

 

“Oh. Oh, ja. I’ve heard of that.”

 

“You have?”

 

Caleb blinked “Um, ja. Some people don’t care for sex or romantic feelings, some only do if they really know a person, some are fine with whatever. I fear our teasing may have made you feel like an outsider now.”

 

“Nahh.” That cloying scent settled low in his belly. He should probably leave.

 

“Well, um. Romantic relationships aren’t that different from. Um, friends. You just do, different things?”

 

“Like put fingers inside of you against doors?”

 

Caleb’s face flamed “Did everyone see that?”

 

“Nope. Just heard it from Beau.” He paused “Did you…Did you like that?”

 

“Herr Clay I’m not quite sure…what…you.”

 

“Jester thinks I’m jealous of Mr. Theylas. I guess she was right.”

 

“Of Essik, why…Oh. Ah, I think, I should mention a few things.”

 

Caduceus was a sweet man. A good one. Not terribly bright when it came to books but his emotional intelligence was pretty grand. He was a good friend, and Caleb wasn’t opposed to being more. But his arrangement with Essik required explanation. It would be unfair to make Caduceus think their dynamic was one way, then spring a second partner on him later.

 

“Essik and I are…Still, sort of.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Caleb bit the bullet, sitting them both down, trying to explain, hoping Caduceus understood. He liked Caduceus, he liked him a lot. He Wasn’t against this but he couldn’t let it go on a whim.

 

“Well. That’s interesting.”

 

“That’s it. That’s interesting?” Caleb asked, confusedly.

 

Caduceus nodded slowly. “Essik is…Okay. I like you, you like me. And if it doesn’t work out it doesn’t.”

 

Caleb blinked. He often forgot that Caduceus wasn’t the soft creature he expected. Soft, warm, yes. Pragmatic, ruthless, blunt, also yes.

 

They sat in silence, Caduceus occasionally snuffling, bright eyes being swallowed by pupil.

 

“Caduceus, are you alright?”

 

Th firbolg cleared his throat “What did you say you scented the room with?”

 

The wizard hesitated “Nothing. It must be outside. I’ve been airing out the room all morning.”

 

“Airing out?”

 

“Ah…Sex…has a smell, I.”

 

“Oh. Yourself?”

 

Caleb was probably going to scream if his friends didn’t stop forcing him to have frank conversations about his life and sexuality. He was frustrated and spoiled from his months with Essik and he was sick and goddamn tired of explaining everything. “Yes.” He muttered shortly.

 

“Do you…Do you need help?”

 

“Gott verdammt.” He muttered under his breath “I am not in need of anything, I am trying to reign myself in, but I am fine.”

 

Caduceus tilted his head. “Do you, want, help?”

 

Caleb hissed, a very Essik sound “I’m fine Caduceus, thank you, for hearing me out but you do not need to rush into anything because I am…I am frustrated and angry.”

 

The firbolg stood hesitantly, Caleb only startling again when the lock clocked.

 

“Caduceus.” He sighed “I like you. I am happy we have discussed this and have decided to go forward. But please, do not start something you don’t want because I am unhappy.”

 

The bed Caleb sat on dipped, slipping Caleb into the firbolg’s side, a long arm wrapping around him. “Why are you unhappy?”

 

“Just…This place. I like Zedash but the Empire…I want to do something for people here but I don’t feel an attachment I want-”

 

“You’re homesick.”

 

Caleb paused. “I do miss Blumenthal on occasion but I-”

 

“Roshana.” Caduceus clarified. “I miss my grove sometimes. But I miss the house too. And the tree. It was, is, ours. We got it and decorated. It’s different from your childhood home, at least for me.”

 

Caleb nodded, barely moving.

 

“You have a lover there, you have a place, you’re safe.”

 

“Yes.” Caleb breathed under his breath, snuggling into Caduceus’s side, inhaling the soft herbal scent of meadow sweet, tea leaves, and flowers. Whereas Essik smelled like bitter herbs, Caduceus smelled like the ones grown in a kitchen window.

 

“Do you want to…” Caduceus trailed off. “I’ve never done it, you’ll have to teach me.”

 

“Caduceus, you do not-”

 

“I’m…curious.” the firbolg cleared his throat again, the sweet musk left by Caleb the past night still rousing his interest. “You smell good, sweet.”

 

“Sweet.” Caleb laughed under his breath. He licked his lips “If you’re sure, um. How do you want…?”

 

Caleb shuffled to the side, Caduceus following until they faced each other.

 

Caduceus visibly thought about it. Reaching out hesitantly before placing his hand on one of Caleb’s arm. “Can I think about it?”

 

Caleb nodded, tilting his head up. “We could, kiss, while we think.”

 

“Do you like kissing?”

 

Th wizard nodded rapidly.

 

They stared at each other for a moment before Caleb tangled shaky hands in pink hair and drew the firbolg down, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to his mouth, pulling back and smiling at the soft fuzz that surrounded warm lips.

 

Caduceus blinked “Oh.” he leaned down, returning the favor, pressing a little harder, experimentally, as Caleb seemed to bloom under a firmer touch.

 

They went slowly, returning soft pecks until Caleb showed him how to use his tongue, which was bizzarely wonderful.

 

It was messy, even by Caleb’s standards. Caduceus was enthusiastic and not in possession of an ounce of finesse yet. Caduceus’s tongue was much bigger than Caleb was used to, but he tasted like sunlit herbs and the tongue was soft, flickering over his lips and tongue. Caleb guided big hands, one to the base of his skull, one to a hip, where a thumb began stroking his waist as he wrapped his hands fully around the firbolgs neck.

 

Caduceus seemed to learn relatively quickly. Soon pulling Caleb up to straddle one leg, swallowing the whimper the wizard released.

 

“Any…Any idea what you’d like to do?”

 

Caduceus blinked slowly. “What Beau saw, can I do that to you?”

 

“Y..You want to finger me?”

 

“Oh, that’s what it’s called?”

 

Caleb nodded and stood up, ignoring Caduceus’s soft noise of protest, bit off as Caleb started undoing his pants. Watching intently as Caleb stripped his lower body bare, cock hard and flushed against his belly, a smear of wetness around his navel.  

 

“Um, Mr. Caleb?” Caduceus said hesitantly.

 

“Yes, Caduceus?”

 

Caduceus reached out to hold the human still, eyes locked on the swollen organ between his legs. “Do…Is it alright if I kiss you here?”

 

Caleb’s breath caught. “Yes.”

 

Caduceus pressed a kiss to the tip and looked up, Caleb’s eyes screwed shut, breath a little more rapid. Caduceus knew that gasp. He pressed a soft kiss to the shaft again, pulling back, and daringly flickering his tongue out to taste. Oh, musky and sweet. He licked again, closing his lips around the tip slowly and giving a gentle suck, waiting to see Caleb’s reaction.

 

The man’s knees jerked with his hips, thankfully Caleb tried to slide backwards rather than forward, Caduceus wasn’t sure he could have taken more. Though he was pleased to find the source of the smell. Caleb’s pretty cock. He blushed a little just thinking it. It was Jester’s language, not the correct term.

 

“Do you want to, erm. D-do what you said before or do you want to um, learn how to…I can do you, so you can see.”

 

“I’d like that.” Caduceus drawled. “But I also want to finger you.”

 

Caleb nodded fast, sliding to the floor between Caduceus’s knees. “Um, can you take out your…”

 

“Oh! Yeah.” Caduceus’s fingers were clumsier than usual trying to unlace his pants, eventually succeeding and hesitating, heat in his cheeks. “I’m…bigger, than you.”

 

“I’m sure.” Caleb breathed, eyes locked between Caduceus’s legs.

 

Those eyes widened as Caduceus withdrew his cock. Pink and obscenely thick and long. Caleb felt his mouth go dry.

 

“You don’t have to if it’s a bit much, Mr. Caleb.” Caduceus assured, the picture of serenity sitting on a bed with his cheeks flushed dark grey and his pink monster cock held loosely in one hand.

 

Caleb shook his head and leaned in, pressing a firm kiss to the cock. Tilting his head to flicker kittenish licks down the shaft. Briefly pressing his face to Caduceus’s thigh to tongue at the heavy balls still mostly hidden, before pulling back and sucked the tip into his mouth. As he slowly worked his way down and stopping halfway when the sensitive tip bumped the back of Caleb’s throat.

 

Caduceus hummed and nervously stroked Caleb’s face as he swallowed and tried to take more.

 

Caduceus felt his eyes slipping shut, the interesting electrical pulse shooting from Caleb’s mouth, to his balls, making his thighs tense.

 

“Stop.”

 

Caleb pulled back immediately, a string of precum and spittle connecting them. Which Caleb promptly licked away from his own lips. “Sorry.”

 

“Oh, no It was really nice.” Caduceus assured, “but I was going to finish. Figured that pretty throat would need more warning.”

 

Caleb swallowed, voice indeed a little more hoarse. “What…what now?”

 

“Can I try fingering you?”

 

The wizard whimpered, gripping the firbolg and shakily getting to his feet, trembling violently when soft grey fingertips stroked curiously at his cock. Caleb crawled back onto the bed and grabbed a small vial from beneath the pillow.

 

“Ah..Which hand do you want to..?”

 

Blinking, Caduceus held out the hand, watching in awe as Caleb poured some of the oil over it and shuffled to straddle his wrist. “Um, there are other positions but I thought…You might want to…”

 

“Kiss you? Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

Caleb ripped his shirt over his head, then, hesitantly, with Caduceus’s guidance, helped strip the firbolg too. Whimpering quietly for a moment when he stood to drop his breeches, but the firbolg returned and slid his hand back in a few seconds.

 

“Okay, so you just…If your partner is relaxed, it won’t be hard.” Caleb instructed softly, guiding Caduceus’s big hand down and behind him, maneuvering one finger to his entrance, thighs shaking. “I’m..Still very good at taking things here.” He blushed “So you just slide your finger slow-ah.”

 

Caduceus’s eyes widened as a thick finger slid into Caleb, he tried to go slowly but the man rocked down hard, sheathing the digit almost immediately. “Y-you can put two in. Maybe three.”

 

Caleb sounded wrecked, minutely flexing down onto Caduceus’s hand. And oh. He really wanted to try and slide into this soft tight little space. His cock throbbed and he swallowed, hesitantly moving his hand to slide his finger in and out a bit, pleased by the humans whimper. He added another finger and it was a tight fit. He felt the muscles give a little, but was slightly disappointed his brief fantasy would never come to be.

 

They rocked like that for a moment, before Caleb, gasping and red in a way Caduceus never got from touching himself, and Caleb hadn’t touched himself at all, panted out a request for more.

 

“No more will fit.” Caduceus explained, lightly, crooking two fingers and flinching as Caleb shouted, clamping down.

 

“It’s…It’s like..a band.” Caleb panted, reaching down and unfolding another finger, “I stretch.”

 

“Okay.”

 

The third finger squeezed in slowly and Caleb keened softly, leaning into Caduceus’s shoulder and gasping. “I want you. I want your cock, is that okay?”

 

“Yeah that’s fine.” The words came out gentle and encouraging as opposed to in rushed excitement, somehow. Caduceus wasn’t sure how.

 

Caleb pushed him back, a hand, dwarfed even on Caduceus’s thin chest applying a gentle pressure until Caleb slipped off his fingers (And both of them made a soft regretful noise) and grabbed the vial again slicking up the massive organ between Caduceus’s legs, then straddling it like he had the firbolg’s hand.

 

“If…If you don’t like it.” Caleb started

 

“Get on it before I change my mind.”

 

Oh wow, he hadn’t meant to say that, he should apologize. But Caleb whimpered and set to work working the cock into him. He spread his thighs, showing off his pretty cock as he sank down. Caduceus groaning as the silky vice reached half way. Then Caleb worked himself slower, more carefully, gasping and panting until he was seated on furred thighs, gasping, head tilted back and a few tears trailing out the side of his eyes.

 

“Oh no, Caleb, are you hurt? Do you-”

 

Caleb held a shaky hand up, drawing a slow trembling breath. “It…It’s very good.” He said softly, rolling his hips forward and gasping a hand coming to flutter over his abdomen where he could swear the other mans cock was sitting, but he knew that was an exaggeration on his minds part. He rocked again and broke off with a gasp. He was wrapped so tightly around Caduceus that he was having trouble lifting himself. “Am I hurting you?”

 

“No.” Caduceus assured, eyes wide with wonder. “Mr. Caleb, can I try something?”

 

“Please stop calling me Mr.”

 

“Caleb, then. Can I try something?”

 

Caleb nodded, cheeks flushed and mouth wet, his clean shaven face making him look his age at last. Caduceus used his arms to lever into a sitting position. It seemed for a moment like Caleb world scream, but his eyelids simply fluttered and his jaw fell open a bit, his legs awkwardly spread until Caduceus wrapped Caleb’s arms around his neck “Now hold on.”

 

He shuffled the humans legs around his body, the sensation feeling as if Caduceus’s neck and cock were all that kept the bird boned human upright, the pressure from his legs negligible.

 

Then he lowered his hands to Caleb’s hips, then back, squeezing the humans ass and pulling his cheeks apart.

 

Then he lifted, slid Caleb up three inches, and let him slide back into place.

 

“Fucking gods.” Caleb groaned “That, more of that.”

 

And Caduceus did, lifting the squirming, drooling human up and dropping him with a delightful slap against his thighs, as he watched Caleb’s eyes roll he began to snap his hips up as well, Caleb was wound too tight to make a noise other than a low moan or a sharp cry, both of which he did plenty. Caduceus maneuvered him how he wanted.

 

“This is great. Can you finish like this or do you want me to touch you?”

 

Caleb’s eyes went wild and his head lolled back “ I can always cum like this. Oh, harder.”

 

Caduceus stilled, making Caleb whine, then, putting the pieces together, snapped up viciously, and Caleb screamed. Screamed in a way that would have definitely brought Nott screaming to the door if it hadn’t sounded so happy. Caduceus did that a few more times until Caleb started sobbing.

 

“Ah, bitte, bitte, bitte.”

 

Caduceus felt like his cock was dripping out of Caleb, hot and wet and wonderful.

 

“May I finish inside of you?”the base of his cock was swelling like it never had and oh, he wanted to lock them together

 

“Ja, ja, ja.” Each answer punched out of him as Caduceus drove further inside, before grabbing the humans hips and slamming him down as he slid up, the knot at his base slipping through Caleb’s rim and locking them together as Caduceus came.

 

“Oh. Oh that’s very good.” He sighed, still shifting Caleb back and forth. The human whimpered, and his back arched like a bow as he came, tight ass fluttering and milking like he was made for it.

 

“Was…was? What is…?”

 

“Oh. Oh you don’t have one.”

 

“Nein, was?”

 

“Oh, it’s something firbolgs have. To um, reproduce. But I don’t think you have a womb, so I’m just…messy.”

 

Caduceus felt another spurt travel up his shaft and shuttered. He was far too deep in Caleb for the man to feel it as such, but his eyes flew open anyway. “Are you…Are you still cumming in me?”

 

“Yeah, sorry, it’ll be a bit.”

 

Caleb blinked. “If you-” He shuddered as Caduceus released more inside “We are paying for room cleaning, ja? We are not getting out of this?”

 

“I..Could move us, over a basin or something so when it comes out its not in your bed?”

 

“Please.”

 

It took a half an hour, Caleb felt vaguely nauseous but also very satisfied. Caduceus gently mopped him up.

 

“That was fun, I liked that.”

 

Caleb nodded absently, Legs numb or otherwise useless. “We…May need to be more careful next time.”

 

“Next time? You’ll, we can do it again?”

 

“Ja, it was…fun. I liked it, you’re a natural.”

 

Caduceus seemed pleased, and leaned over to delicately stroke up and down Caleb’s back as he recovered from his ordeal.

 

“Are you fuckers done yet!” A furious Nott shouted from behind he door “Did one of you die?”

 

Caleb made a rude gesture at the door, and Caduceus took that as a sign to cuddle up and rest. He didn’t really see the appeal of doing this with just anyone, but Caleb? Caleb could have him whenever he liked.


End file.
